25 Things About Canada That America Can't Stand

Oh Canada. Our silly, strange neighbors to the North are the source of many a joke down here in the good ole’ US of A. Whether we’re making fun of their food, their weather, or any other aspect of their weird homeland, we really generally appreciate quite a lot about them.

The United States and Canada have historically had one of the best international relationships in the world with extensive trade and cultural influence, but we can’t help but poke fun at their ridiculousness every once in a little while.

Below are 25 of the strangest things about this exceptionally strange land that we can’t help but make fun of, especially since it’s all in good fun. What do Canadians think of their much cooler neighbors to the South? Feel free to let us know.

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25 Poutine - Like Loaded Fries, But Worse


If you think the United States is responsible for some disgusting over-indulgence in their dishes, check out this disaster. Poutine is basically ruining perfectly good fries by pouring gravy and whatever else you can get your hands on all over it and serving it in a bowl. Traditionally, it’s served with brown gravy and cheese curbs, but Canada’s National Dish has been adapted time and time again, giving this hundreds of new spins with all kinds of ingredients from all across the world.

24 Curling - Anything Can Be A Sport


If you thought hockey was bad... Curling is essentially throwing a big rock across the ice and sweeping in front of it to make it go faster. Does it make any sense? Not really. As a point of shame for the Scottish, it was initially invented by them but has since been brought to Canada where it is now more popular than anywhere else in the world.

Since 1998, curling has been an Olympic sport and has largely been dominated by the Canadian teams.

23 Currency - You Might As Well Just Use Monopoly money


The Canadian dollar – or loonie as it’s sometimes called, is the official currency of Canada and is the fourth most popular currency across the world behind the U.S. dollar, the Euro, Yen, and the Pound according to the IMF.

Since 2011, the Canadian dollar has been printed on polymer so, unlike real money, the Canadian dollar is just like a weird flab of plastic, more like Monopoly money than any other real currency.

22 Summer - In Canada It's Just The Last Week In July


Canada is cold, and stays that way pretty much all of the time. Southern Canada can get into ‘slightly warm’ territory in July and August, but outside of that there’s no promise of warm summer day. Even then, you’re not likely to get much above 70 degrees across most of the country.

The highest temperature ever recorded in Canada was 104 degrees, which while warm, is like the dead of winter in Nevada.

21 Maple Syrup - They're WAY too Into The Stuff

Stills, My Beating Heart

Canada’s only worthwhile export is Maple Syrup. Where would pancakes be without this delicious sauce? While the United States has its own syrup producers, outside of Vermont, there’s really no question that the Canadians have us beat (they have to be better at something, right?) Some real, genuine Canadian maple syrup is certainly going to cost you, but it is well worth the price, no matter how much it is.

20 Bacon - Canada Can't Even Do Bacon Right


One of the most disappointing moments of any childhood is the realization that Canadian bacon is basically just ham. What’s the point, you might ask? There is none. It’s like bacon, but worse. Just like Canada. While real bacon is made from pork belly, for some reason, Canadians decided to use the same word to describe the much-less-delicious cut of meat off of the back of the pig.

Just one more way that Canada is disappointing the rest of the world.

19 Accents - Sometimes They Talk A Little Differently


To be fair, Canadians have a hard time. Our neighbors to the north are largely bilingual and they have a pretty heavy accent as a result. A really heavy Canadian accent can come off as cartoonish, just like an unfiltered Texan accent. It can even get into the ‘I know we’re technically speaking the same language but I can’t understand a word your saying’ territory pretty quickly.

18 Cold - Colder Than Mars, Actually


Canada is one of the coldest places on Earth and sometimes it gets even colder than Mars. According to an article by The Washington Post, there was a particularly bad cold snap last year that left some cities in Canada with what felt like -40 degrees Fahrenheit—a full 20 degrees colder than it was on Mars that day.

It’s cold here all year round, but it can get to temperatures most of the U.S. has never even seen before.

17 The Yukon - It's Insanely Cold


One of the most famous areas in Canada is also one of the most secluded. The Yukon is the bit of territory that shares a border with Alaska and is pretty much known for the Yukon River which is home to some of the most beautiful landscapes that North America has to offer—even beating out much of what the United States has to offer.

There are so few people out here that, on average, there’s one person for every 5 square miles of land.

16 French - One Language Isn't Enough?


Canadians couldn’t even decide on one language to adopt when the New World was colonized, which has led to a messy combination of both English and French. On top of the dozens on native languages, these are the two official languages in Canada and most people would be able to speak both, however, the Eastern bits of the country, especially around Quebec, speak French more than they do English.

15 Tim Hortons - Every Day In Canada Starts Here


Tim Hortons coffee is basically the Canadian version of Starbucks’—cheaper, colder, and worse. Tim Hortons have even begun to stretch into the United States, just past the Canadian border. Every Canadian starts their day bright and early with a cup of coffee and a donut from this chain. There is just no other way that can prepare you for the cold misery that is being a Canadian.

14 Hockey - You Don't Want To Go To The Hoser Hut


Sure, we have some pretty ridiculous sports across the United States, but hockey probably takes the cake. If you’ve never seen a hockey match, it’s basically a bunch of ice skaters occasionally getting into fist fights trying to get the puck into an adorably small goal. Needless to say, most players have had multiple teeth knocked out. And if you’ve ever wondered what hockey players do in the off season, Clark, the Canadian Hockey Goalie will give you a good idea.

13 Niagara Falls - Our Side Is Better...


Both Ontario in Canada and New York in the United States are home to one of the most beautiful sites in the world – Niagara Falls. The statistics for this massive feature are unbelievably huge—there are 230,000 cubic feet of water per second that go over the falls.

There have been several people over the years that have attempted to jump over the falls in barrels, many of whom have survived. It also remains one of the most popular tourist destinations in North America.

12 Clothing - Sometimes They Dress A Little Differently


It’s like Canadians don’t even realize that it’s cold. No matter how far below freezing it gets, you’ll see poor little Canadians running around in nothing but a t-shirt, basketball shorts, and some flip-flops shoveling snow, driving snowmobiles to Tim Hortons, curling in the street. It’s complete anarchy. Okay, not really, but a lot of Canadians have some pretty serious tolerance to the cold.

11 Vacations - Canadians Like To Travel More Than Us


Canada is a massive country—even bigger than the U.S. There are sizable amounts of Canada on both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans so Canadians have a lot of places to travel to that are just across the water.

It is fairly close to Greenland and Iceland on one side and Russia and Japan on the other, so there are a lot of Canadians travelling around to these countries every year.

10 They're Nice - A Little Too Nice...


Canadians are a notoriously kind and gentle people which, when you think about it, doesn’t really make a lot of sense. Their favorite past time involves beating one another’s teeth out with a giant stick and half of the population are professional wolverine wranglers, living in the freezing wilderness, surviving on whale meat and maple syrup. Nevertheless, they are generally a kind and welcoming people.

9 Beavers - Strange Choice For A National Animal


Out of all the awesome animals that live in Canada—the Canada lynx, reindeer, red fox, grizzly bears, wolves, mountain lions, etc.—the Canadians have chosen as their national symbol which will forever be associated with their country... the beaver. A giant, silly looking rat with a weird tail.

Canada is full of beautiful and vicious wildlife so it makes very little sense why the beaver beats them all. Hey, at least it’s not a Canadian goose.

8 Ogopogo - Like The Loch Ness Monster. But Worse.


Scotland’s two main exports to Canada were curling and myths about ridiculous 50-foot long sea monsters. Ogopogo has actually had recorded sightings since the 19th century that supposedly lives in Okanagan Lake in British Columbia. At least the Loch Ness Monster has a kind of cool name. Ogopogo just sounds like a cartoon.

Nevertheless, Ogopogo has certainly made his (or her) mark on Canadian pop culture, showing just how ridiculous Canada truly is.

7 Comedians - When Your Country Is Just A Big Joke


Oftentimes, a celebrity will become so synonymous with US culture that we all just think they’re from the United States (or do we just think that because we’re obsessed with ourselves...).

Anywho, a variety of A-list comedians actually cut their teeth in Canadian cities before becoming huge Hollywood stars. Ryan Reynolds, Michael Cera, Will Arnett, Seth Rogen, Dan Aykroyd, and Jim Carrey all come from the land up north and have had a major impact on the U.S. entertainment industry.

6 Ope - Canadian For 'Excuse Me'


Have you ever accidentally bumped into a Canadian? They have this weird regional tic, wherein every time they’re surprised by something or have any sort of minor accident, they let out a tiny, strange little sound. Ope. This is usually followed up by “Sorry!” but just seems to be a habitual saying that all Canadians use.

Even worse, the pesky Canadians have pushed this habit onto Midwesterners (Hey, we have to blame somebody).

5 Nunavut - Does Anyone Even Live Here?


Nunavut is both the largest and northernmost Canadian territory. Despite being a fifth of the country by area, only about 35,000 people actually live in this territory, with over 80% of them representing Inuit’s. Most municipalities in this territory have less that 2,000 people, making it one of the most sparsely populated places on the planet.

They are perhaps best known for their license plates however, which used to be in the shape of a polar bear (also a good choice over a beaver...).

4 Islands - Too Beautiful For Canada


On both the Pacific and Atlantic coasts of Canada lie hundreds of gorgeous islands, many of which are sparsely populated by Americans and Canadians alike who enjoy the peace and quiet of nature. Some of these islands are closer to countries across the sea than they are to mainland Canada, so the people tend to come from other cultures as well. The islands in between mainland Canada and Japan are some of the most beautiful spots in the natural world.

3 O Canada! - Cool National Anthem.


Every time a Canadian team dominates the curling competition at the Olympics, we have to hear what is possibly the worst national anthem in the world. Not only was the melody stolen from Mozart, but it can also be sung in two languages, making it even more annoying. Maybe one day, the country will get a decent National Anthem, like the United States. Until then, we’re stuck hearing this every four years at wherever the Winter Olympics end up.

2 The Tundra - Almost As Pretty As The U.S.


The northern third of so of the country is classified as Arctic Tundra, stretching over 1 million square miles. The grounds in this part of Canada are consistently frozen and make it extremely difficult to have any sort of agriculture on this massive section of land. Around half of the people that live up in this region are indigenous Inuit peoples, many living on the mainland but also across dozens of islands.

1 It's Not America - Why Do We Let You Be A Country?


While us USA folk poke fun at Canada a lot (and let’s be honest, it’s super easy), we actually share quite a strong bond. Not only is the Canada-U.S. border the longest in the world, giving thirteen states weirdly accented neighbors (with an ‘o,’ not a ‘u,’ if you’re using proper English).

Our two countries have also traditionally had one of the strongest international relationships in the world.

In all honesty, we’re glad to have you guys.

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