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25 Places To Never Take The Wifey (Unless We Want To End Things)

Relationships are hard and, therefore, by default, marriages are even harder. It takes an awful lot of hard work and compromise in order to make one work, and we're confident in saying that every single couple on the planet will tell you that. It's not about putting a brave face on it and it's not about putting paper over the cracks, because there are always problems for you to deal with.

So then, if you are having problems or even if you're in a great marriage that seems to be going swimmingly, we have some advice for you: don't take your wife to the following 25 places. Each one has some form of problem or issue that needs to be addressed, and by that, we mean they quite literally all hold the key to your marriage's downfall in one way or another.

That sounds a little bit overdramatic but we believe we're well within our rights to make these assumptions, even if they do initially seem a little bit off or unnecessary. You see, marriages can also be quite delicate things (we understand that we sound a little bit 'holier than thou' right now) and you need to handle them with care sometimes.

This would quite literally be the opposite, in the sense that you'd be throwing temptation at your wife in every single direction and saying "here are the tools with which you can bring our relationship to an abrupt end".

So sit back, try to relax, and consider taking our advice.

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25 Ibiza - We’re Going To Ibiza!

Via: LiveInStyle

Ah, Ibiza. It’s known for being the home of partying in most corners of the world, and they certainly do their level best to live up to that reputation. While it’s possible to have a chilled out holiday there we all know that the main reason for visiting, for the most part, is to cause mischief.

Your wife could be the most innocent, calm and collected woman on the face of the planet, but that isn’t going to mean one thing once she steps foot on this island. It sounds like we’re playing it up, but if you’ve never been before, then you can’t quite fathom what kind of impact it has on you.

24 Full Moon Party - Dangerous Territory

via:Mad Monkey Hostels

Full Moon parties are ‘enjoyable’ traditions over in South East Asia, but in many circles, they’re also quite dangerous. Those two traits don’t combine well in the depths of the evening, when the only thing separating you and disaster is some sand and a huge body of water.

Because of how much emphasis people put onto ‘finding yourself’ when you’re abroad, it can be quite easy to get caught up in the mayhem. In the same line of thinking as the first entry, your wife could be influenced in ways that you never thought possible. It’s just the way of the world, my friends.

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23 Boys Only Establishments - Stay Classy

Via: My Guide Malta

You can use your imagination to think about what we mean in the sense of the title, but yeah, this one is going to be your fault and nobody else’s.

Your wife would have to be a pretty unique individual to be okay with visiting an establishment like this, especially if you’re in a seriously committed relationship. The majority of folks that come here likely don’t have many other places to go on a Saturday night, but the same can’t be said for you and your missus.

Instead, you could be sitting back and watching some family-friendly entertainment on the television. Doesn’t that sound like a much nicer prospect?

22 Past Location With The Ex - Recipe For Disaster

Via: Bustle

99% of us believe that remaining friends with your ex, while in a relationship with someone else, is bad news – and it is. It makes absolutely no sense and it can only lead to heartbreak.

In this instance, though, we aren’t even talking about spending time with your ex: we’re talking about going somewhere that you’ve been with them before, and conducting the exact same type of date or ‘experience day’ as you did with them.

You may not tell your wife straight off the bat, but trust us when we tell you that she will figure it out one way or another. They always do.

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21 Las Vegas - The Standard Procedure

Via: Nightclubs.com

Welcome to Sin City, guys.

The stereotypical belief is that Vegas tends to be enjoyed more by men than women, but that’s so unbelievably inaccurate that we can’t even begin to describe it. The Nevada city is big, bad and means business, to the point where the gambling alone is enough to get you caught up in the anarchy.

A lot of this depends on your own personal willpower, but either way, you shouldn’t take your wife here. Either she’s going to be disgusted that you thought this was a fun place to go on a trip, or she’ll just abandon you entirely and realise that she wants to embrace her sins more than she thought.

20 Atlantic City - Only Slightly Nicer Than Above

via:GymLive

While Atlantic City may not be as well known or as well visited in comparison to Las Vegas, please don’t let that deceive you. It’s still one of the wildest places you could possibly go, especially in the United States, if you’re looking for a good time.

It has that East Coast vibe that is so accessible, especially for a lot of women who enjoy the company of gentlemen from that part of the world.

Look, we’re sure that your wife is a lovely and honest woman who will stay faithful to you until your last breath, but is it really worth taking that risk?

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19 Magaluf - Niche And Grubby

Via: Magaluf Box Office

We alluded to it earlier, and now we’re here: Magaluf.

This is pretty much just a low budget edition of Ayia Napa, and that can never be a good thing. The cheaper everything is, the more likely you’re going to have a night that you’ll quickly want to forget and that’s just the truth of the matter in our book.

A very specific kind of ‘party-goer’ ends up in Magaluf, and it’s not the kind of party-goer you’d want your wife to associate herself with.

Look, maybe you guys like to party together, but even if that’s the case then this isn’t the way to go about it.

18 Bachelor Party - Avoid At All Costs

Via: Belgrade Experience

Don’t bring your wife on a bachelor party.

We could simply say ‘it’d ruin it’ and that’d pretty much cover everything, because there are so many ways in which this could go against you. A bachelor party is supposed to signal the final night of freedom for a man, and instead, you’ll be going around with your girlfriend when you’re meant to be spending time with your friends (and potentially even siblings).

These type of events are meant to be unpredictable and we can’t imagine that your wife is going to be all too happy with that, especially when there are alternatives out there in terms of activities she’d undoubtedly prefer.

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17 Personal Training With A Hunk - Oh Dear

Via: Personal Training Academy

We don’t have to spell this one out for you, either, because we all know that you’d just be asking for trouble here. Picture the scenario: your wife wants to focus on her fitness while you’d much rather just lie around at home and slowly develop a middle-aged beer belly.

All the while she’s been enjoying sessions with a physical trainer, who just so happens to resemble a Greek god. Sure, she probably loves you just as much as she’s ever loved anyone before, but one look at this guy will make you feel more inadequate than you’ve ever felt before in your entire life. Trust us on that!

16 Mosh Pit - No Thank You

Via: Twitter

Mosh pits aren’t exactly fun, are they? There are people who get a serious buzz off of them, but we really do struggle to understand the logic behind wanting to do it. All that you’re doing is risking potential injury, and you don’t even really get the chance to enjoy the song or songs you’re listening to in the right manner.

Having fun at concerts is all about finding your boundaries and realising what your limits are, because otherwise, you could be in for a bad time.

It wouldn’t make sense to risk injury for your wife, would it? In everyday life the answer would be no, but we do worry for you if you think this is a great location for a date.

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15 Horror Maze - Look Out!

Via: Total Thorpe Park

Horror mazes are actually really popular these days, especially at theme parks during Halloween. If you’re into that kind of thing then good for you, but we don’t think it’s a stretch to suggest that these type of activities make a lot of us feel incredibly anxious and worried.

It’s great for you if that isn’t the case, it really is, but just imagine if your wife is afraid of clowns or zombies and you decide to surprise her with a horror maze that features them. That’s the right way to go for a slap in the face, or worse, a very one sided divorce.

14 Malta - Distinctly Unromantic

Via: Merlin and Rebecca

Malta isn’t a party town, it isn’t an overly offensive place, and it isn’t dangerous. It’s just kind of there.

Thousands upon thousands of couples tend to pick Malta as a destination to visit because it seems quite exotic, but we’re here to tell you that you’d be making a really big mistake. It’s nowhere near what you’re imagining in your heads, and it’s staggering to see how many couples end up arguing as a result of not realising what they signed up for.

It’s just so tacky and given what you’re getting it’s overpriced, too. A botched holiday shouldn’t be enough to end a marriage, but you’re underestimating just how petty some couples can be.

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13 Bushtucker Trial - Get Me Out Of Here!

via: James Gourley/ITV/REX/Shutterstock (9268972u)

Bushtucker Trials stem from the popular show I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here – and they tend to feature some pretty interesting tasks. Most of the time you’re doing a challenge in which you try and win meals for camp, and you don’t tend to be alone with snakes, rats, spiders, crocodiles and much more joining you in whatever container you may be in.

It sounds like a lot of fun and it is, and you can actually do them yourselves as experience days and things like that. So then, it probably wouldn’t be the best idea in the world to invite your wife to one of these, especially if she has some kind of phobia for creepy crawlies.

12 Marriage Counselling - Maybe Ask Her First

Via: YouTube

Marriage counselling can actually be quite beneficial for a lot of couples, and we aren’t here to reject that idea. What we are here to do, however, is open your mind to the possibility of a husband taking his wife without telling her far enough in advance.

If it was a one-way decision then that can only mean bad, bad things for you, especially if the counsellor isn’t particularly good.

Marriage is all about communication and letting the other person know how you feel, and this just isn’t the right way to go about doing that. Think about it, guys.

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11 BullFighting - Nobody Likes This

Via: America Magazine

Bullfighting should be illegal.

There are no two ways about it and there are no compromises to be made here. Bullfighting crosses some ethical lines, and all of those bullfighters who end up getting injured know exactly what they signed themselves up for. We have no sympathy.

With that out of the way, let’s imagine that your wife is completely against the idea – which she should be, and probably is. The prospect that you, the husband (or fellow wife), could think that it’s entertaining to watch is not going to go well in her books.

10 Red Light District - Not A Good Move

Via: Lonely Planet

Yup, we went there.

The Red Light District is an area that can be found or situated in the majority of big cities around the world, but particularly in Europe. They cause a great deal of controversy amongst the mainstream media, so you can imagine the arguments that ensue between couples about the whole thing.

Most people even see going here with your friends as being a bad thing, and actually bringing your wife seems ten times worse. She isn’t going to find the funny side of it, she isn’t going to understand why you’ve brought her there, and she’s probably going to storm off and find a bar all by herself.

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9 Lads Night Out - Not A Pretty Sight

Via: The Tab

In a similar manner to the bachelor party entry, it feels like going on a lads night out should be just that – for the lads. You need to be given the chance to unwind with your friends every once in a while, even if that just means heading to the pub or going to a bar for a few hours.

These interactions often help to balance out our personal lives, so you can just imagine the reaction to you bringing your partner along. It just seems as if it’d be the worst thing you could possibly do given the situation, with both your friends and your partner sitting there thinking “why is this happening”.

8 US College Campus - Lads Everywhere

Via: Detroit Metro Times

Say what you will, but the Americans know how to party – and a lot of that comes from college campuses littered throughout the United States. It doesn’t matter what college you go to because they all know how to party in some way, shape or form, and that probably isn’t going to be an enjoyable experience for your wife.

In addition to the initiation that she’ll probably have to go through, she’ll probably also get caught up in the ‘good times’ which could lead to a series of bad outcomes.

No good can come from this, and it’s not exactly a great impression to make on her if that’s the kind of place you want to spend your Saturday night.

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7 Ayia Napa - Cyprus Bound

Via: Mayhem Bar Crawl

If you can think of the midway point between Ibiza and Magaluf, then you’ll end up with Ayia Napa.

The party town over in Cyprus is notorious for being a place to unwind and enjoy yourself with your friends, especially if you all have quite busy lives within the realms of your day to day work life.

If you go here with your wife then you’re opening yourself up to all different kinds of risks and dangers, from actual physical harm to guys hitting on her left, right and centre. Plus, given how hectic it is, you aren’t really given much time to spend alone, which is always a problem when you’re on holiday.

6 Derby Football Match - Carnage Awaits

Via: Football Blog

For all the USA folk out there, this is the ‘soccer’ equivalent of a big rivalry game in the world of NFL (or something like that).

In Europe, and various other parts of the world, these are the kind of games that lead to arrests, injuries and sometimes even worse fates.

It’s no place whatsoever for a couple to enjoy a day out and we say that with more confidence than we’ve ever said anything before in our life.

If you really want to watch it then go to a bar or just watch it on the television, because that seems like a much safer alternative.

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5 Haunted House - Spooktacular

Via: Brighton Festival

Haunted houses aren’t considered to be real and they aren’t considered to be particularly dangerous by a lot of people, but again, what good can come from messing with your wife – especially if she isn’t into this kind of thing?

Not only are you tempting fate in the worst way possible, but you’re also opening the door for a sea of other possible problems when it comes to long-term effects. We don’t care if you believe in it or not, because it’s absolutely something you need to consider given the circumstances.

Ghosts might be real, people. Think about it.

4 New Orleans - No Good Times Here

Via: Bustle.com

This one kind of goes without saying, really, but you get where we’re coming from.

New Orleans is a painfully overrated city full of guys and girls who seem to bang on about just how good it is – despite the masses only being able to handle one or two nights there at a time.

You forget about all of your troubles in NOLA, and if your marriage is on the rocks, letting your wife roam free on Bourbon Street could be quite a bad idea.

It’s all about establishing the right kind of boundaries and understanding when you’re going too far, and it’s virtually impossible not to go too far over there.

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3 Berlin - Very In Your Face

Via: Resident Advisor

Berlin isn’t like any other European city, and trust us when we say that can be both a compliment and a criticism. It’s just so non stop and because of how big it is, you could be travelling through it for weeks and weeks and you still probably wouldn’t see everything that there is to see.

It’s a very in your face kind of city that leaves you feeling quite on edge, and when it comes to the party scene, it’s both crazy and dangerous in equal measure. If you take your wife there, then don’t expect her to be the same woman that she was when she arrived.

2 Zante - Girls Trip!

Via: Zante Mega Deal

Zante is very similar to a handful of the party towns that we’ve listed, but the biggest difference of all is that there tend to be more women than men on the island at any given time.

You can make up your own mind about whether or not that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but for us, it can only be bad.

Girls in big groups can get up to a lot of trouble, and if you go with your wife, and potentially even her friends, you might be the one who comes across as a bit clingy.

There are a lot of silly unofficial rules when it comes to relationships, and this is one of them.

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1 Cancun - Prepare For Havoc

Via: vipcancun.com

Spring break. Threats of danger. Overbearing heat.

Please, stop us when you think we’re getting boring because we can go all day long. Cancun just isn’t our cup of tea and it probably never will be, and that’s not an overall critique on the country of Mexico (although we still have mixed opinions).

Cancun is a long way to go for very little, and when we say very little, we mean it. It’s almost like people feel inclined to spend thousands upon thousands when they get here, and if you’re busy saving with your wife and one of you does something stupid financially, then that almost always leads to trouble.

References: Thorpe Park, ITV, Sky Sports, Skyscanner

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