It's Christmas time, everyone, and that means Santa Claus is coming! As much as some of you may hate the idea of getting into the festive spirit, we think it's absolutely necessary for everyone to spread an ounce of Christmas cheer at some point in their lifetime. If you can't even manage that, then it leaves us wondering where on Earth you're able to get your day to day enjoyment from at all.
Anyway, the purpose of this piece is probably going to seem a little bit negative as you've probably been able to tell from the title, but we still want to clear some things up. We aren't suggesting that these places are 'all bad' by any stretch of the imagination, but just that there are specific reasons as to why Santa probably isn't going to be all too interested in going here in 2018 - for better or worse.
Some entries will be light-hearted and others will be a little bit more serious, but there's a method to our madness. We don't want to spread some kind of false message just because it's the holiday season, and in equal measure, we don't want anyone out there to forget what Christmas is all about. It's about being with your family and the ones you love, reminding yourself of what's important in life.
So try to keep an open mind as we head down this seemingly bizarre road of Christmas cheer, because let's face it, we don't have too much time before Santa hops on his sleigh and jets off around the world again.
25 Death Valley, California - Too Hot For Santa
It’s just too hot.
Santa is from the North Pole and while he has to deal with many hot temperatures throughout his travels on Christmas Eve, Death Valley is just on a whole other level. We’d like to imagine that he tests the waters so to speak, but just think of his reindeer. They aren’t going to be all too pleased with their feet burning, are they?
Maybe he can bring the world’s biggest fan to help him fight back against the problem, but then again, there probably aren’t all too many people there in the first place, especially at Christmas time.
24 Snake Island, Brazil - Far Too Spooky
Snake Island, also known as Ilha da Queimada Grande, is an island purely inhabited by snakes. The general population is believed to be anywhere between 2,000 and 40,000 snakes, but there isn't a clear number. One way or the other that’s an awful lot of snakes, but people are still intrigued, despite it being off limits to the general population.
First of all, there’s nobody to give gifts to so it’s pointless for Santa to go, and as well as that, who on Earth would want to risk Santa going to somewhere so intimidating? You don’t even have to hate snakes to realise this one is a bad idea.
23 Sihanoukville, Cambodia - Don’t Trust Anyone
Sihanoukville is the kind of place that a lot of ‘hipsters’ tend to visit when they’re heading off on their holiday to Asia with the aim of finding themselves. As odd as those folks sound when they say that, some places in the region live up to that expectation.
This isn’t one of them.
The Cambodian destination is full to the brim with false hope, and that’s no exaggeration. From the crime rates to the misleading tourism board, Santa doesn’t approve of thieves and liars – and that’s why he won’t be going there this year. Rightly so, in our mind.
22 Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - Stereotypically Sketchy
Oh, Rio. As much as we want to say nice things and shower you with praise, that just isn’t the direction we can bring ourselves to go down. The city has been in a state of decline for years now, and to this day we still wonder how the Olympics and the World Cup were both allowed to be held there within a two-year span. It’s just crazy.
There is risk lurking around every corner, and no amount of partying or carnivals can ever make up for that. They need to build things from the ground up again and restore that national pride that we’re so used to seeing, because right now, it’s not a pretty sight – and Santa tends to agree.
21 SeaWorld, United States - Not For Us, Thanks
Everyone has heard about the stories stemming from SeaWorld and the treatment of the animals, and we don’t want to sit here and rehash that – because we’ll all just get incredibly angry.
Instead, we’re going to imagine a world where Santa isn’t interested in even giving SeaWorld a second glance on the map, because that’s a world that we genuinely do believe exists. Some people will continue to flock back there and that’s up to you, but we work by a certain code and so does Father Christmas, which is why we’re going to go ahead and rule him out here.
20 Niagara Falls, United States - A Bit Dull
It’s just a bit dull really, isn’t it?
Given how cold it would be around Christmas time and given how few individuals would actually be residing there, Niagara Falls doesn’t seem like somewhere that should be on Santa’s list.
It’s a bit of a rip off of a travel destination in our book anyway, but that’s a whole other story for another day. Maybe Santa would like to stop and see the waterfall, but come on now, that man has presents to deliver and not a lot of time to do it in – so he needs to get a move on.
19 Mount Rushmore, United States - Santa Is His Own Leader
You could copy and paste the same thing that we said for Niagara Falls into this entry, but to be perfectly honest, it feels like Santa Claus is his own authority in itself and shouldn’t be in the same vicinity as any former people who were once in power.
That’s an overly complicated way of saying that we don’t want to ruin Santa’s innocence and purity by associating him with a country that has their fair share of problems right now. Of course, Santa has no specific home country so he probably wouldn’t care all too much anyway, but there are nicer landmarks out there for him to see on his travels.
18 Turkey - Not Worth It
The hostile nature of the affairs over in Turkey make it one of the least appealing countries out there are we do not say that lightly. It feels like one of those places where you can’t see the forest through the trees, in the sense that it just doesn’t feel like there are many positives to draw out of the current climate.
It’s not worth the risk and it certainly isn’t worth prioritising it over other cities and countries not only around the region – but around the world. Sure, it’s beautiful, but sometimes you can’t allow appearances to fool you.
17 Mount Everest, Nepal - One Step Beyond
Nobody is going to be climbing Mount Everest on Christmas Eve and if they are, then they are absolutely mental. It’s one of the toughest things any human could possibly attempt, and it’s no place to try and unwrap your presents from Santa Claus – or deliver them to, for that matter.
The surrounding area is in desperate need of some help or modernisation in the eyes of many, but we’d just prefer to see Santa drop off the presents as opposed to getting stuck into the climb himself.
Come on, you just know he’d be the kind of guy to do that.
16 Venice, Italy - Keep It Clean First
It’s just not clean enough and we can’t stress that point enough. Venice is great if you want a stereotypical Italian holiday, but the city certainly belongs on the naughty list when it comes to misinforming people about what to expect when they arrive.
Plus, the tips they request and the attitude of some of the locals make it an even more unpleasant experience than it would be if you just based it on the overpriced gondolas and the disgusting smell.
The ‘smell’ is real, by the way, and it seriously impacts the aura of the entire island if you ask us.
15 Magaluf, Spain - Eesh!
Magaluf is the cheap and cheerful option for a lot of people looking for a wild holiday in the summer, but we wouldn’t even say it’s all that ‘cheerful’ to begin with. In fact, we’d probably argue the opposite, especially given the elevated levels of dodgy activity in recent years.
Santa is probably willing to tolerate a lot of things but we know for a fact that he isn’t all too keen on bad language, and that’s something that won’t be in short supply when you visit Magaluf.
It gives a bad name to the area in our mind, and the folks who have created that atmosphere need to be dealt with accordingly.
14 Ukraine - Too Much Going On
The ongoing situation in Ukraine is the definition of ‘murky waters’, and it’s not a topic we want to delve too far into. However, Santa will be well aware of the fact that it’s a pretty risky climate right now, and he’d be best advised to steer clear.
There are just too many things that can go wrong, and the big guy has a long night ahead of him. He can’t spend too much time attempting to fix everything, because then it’d take him three months just to finish delivering the presents. That’s not an estimate, either, we’ve done the maths guys.
13 Ayia Napa, Cyprus - Party Town
We’re sticking with Europe now for another ‘party town’ type of location in the form of Ayia Napa. It’s one of those places that only really comes alive during the summer months, and you all know why: because people want to let loose in the warm weather and the busy nightclubs.
Napa is an intriguing destination and we use the word intriguing very loosely in this instance, because it’s essentially just downright bizarre. Santa won’t have time for the hustle and bustle of the town, because it’s not like he’s got a spare five minutes to go for a kebab.
12 Manila, Philippines - Too Unreliable
Manila is the living, breathing version of The Tardis from Doctor Who, and we don’t mean that as a compliment. The fact that they’re able to fit so many human beings into such a small city is somewhat frightening, and we’re forced to question whether or not it’s going to be sustainable over the next few years.
That isn’t exactly a fun conversation to have, but the population (combined with the crime levels) makes this a pretty tedious and questionable place to visit for Mr. Claus. Some may suggest it isn’t a holiday destination, but trust us, more people go than you’d think.
11 Volcano Tours, Hawaii - No Thank You
Hawaii itself seems like an okay place to visit and we’re going to get that out there right now – but that is where the compliments begin and end for this specific entry.
In Hawaii, they have volcano tours, and that right there is just the biggest red flag imaginable. From people not taking them seriously to the natural dangers that they pose, Santa is much better off delivering his gifts in a safer environment.
Besides, by the time Santa gets there, you should all be tucked up in bed away. If you aren’t, then you quite clearly haven’t been following the unwritten rules of Christmas.
10 Milan, Italy - Watch Out!
The children of Milan will obviously deserve presents regardless of what the city Is like, but can’t we just mail them over instead of getting Santa to go? It’s just one of those ‘up themselves’ cities that doesn’t really seem to care about anything or even have any real direction.
It’s just such a bland place to go, full of materialistic individuals who are all just obsessed with fashion and nothing else. Yes, that sounds like a big old stereotype, but trust us when we tell you that it’s surprisingly accurate. If you don’t believe us, test the theory for yourself.
9 Jamaica - On The Decline
Despite not being on most people’s list for top holiday destinations, Jamaica was always somewhere that was just viewed as being some kind of ‘utopia’ without people actually doing all too much research into it.
When they did they discovered high crime rates, rude locals, and unsafe living environments. We definitely think that Santa should send some Christmas joy their way but actually visiting probably wouldn’t end all too well for him, especially if he tries to be too ‘laid back’ and relaxed.
Then again, he’s probably been there once or twice before, so maybe he knows what he’s doing after all.
8 Action Park, United States - Just Plain Wrong
Action Park is a health hazard, it always has been a health hazard, and we’re glad it has been outed as the absolute stain on water parks that it is.
The fact that they went so anti-establishment means that nobody should be surprised by the end results, and by end results, we mean the number of injuries that came from people going there.
New Jersey as a state isn’t great and Action Park is just the pinnacle of arrogance when it comes to American advertising, and while you may have had a good time there when you were younger, that doesn’t mean it was even remotely safe or well organised.
7 Pyongyang, NK - Speaks For Itself
NK attempts to paint this picture perfect identity for themselves as a country that is full of hope, excitement and forward-thinking values. We all know that isn’t the case and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out, even though it seems like they’re being led by one.
Pyongyang is at the forefront of this, and the whole city just feels a little bit sad to us. Santa doesn’t live by any kind of sad code and he wants to spread positivity, but it just doesn’t feel like that’d ever be allowed in this kind of place. What a shame.
6 Lloret De Mar, Spain - A Bit Much
If you’re looking for a cheap holiday full of laughter, good times and some questionable takeaways, then Lloret de Mar may well be the place for you. Then again, there is a parade of other destinations in Spain that would probably be equally as capable of giving you the same kind of buzz.
Lloret just isn’t particularly ‘nice’ it doesn’t really feel like a destination that is going to get into the festive spirit. In this hypothetical scenario we’re going to imagine that Santa is being a little bit more picky with where he goes, perhaps so that he can send a reserve Santa to certain places – because let’s face it, guys, he’s getting old.
Lloret is certainly on the reserve Santa list in our book.